Join the Neopoet online poetry workshop and community to improve as a writer, meet fellow poets, and showcase your work. Sign up, submit your poetry, and get started.
Apr 02, 2020
⭐ View statistics (Premium feature)
Night is Young
Every night
before I sleep
get a feeling
am young still
as I slumber deep
can no more sleep
with open eyes
i sweep across my life
as it passes by
Then I twist and twirl
my body says stay still
no one knows
whether I am alive
my night passes
steadily
hoping I will live
Though deaf
I can hear clearly
the sun's rays
smile at me
About This Poem
Last Few Words: Daily I see dawn when I go to sleep Lonely nights
Style/Type: Free verse
Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft
Comments
Rula
5 years 3 months ago
I would trim
The last two lines in the stanza before the last to avoid some repetition
(the sun rays say
wake up Lovedy)
A perfect ending.... I really like it.
lovedly
5 years 3 months ago
Thank you Rula
done
lovedly
5 years 3 months ago
A friendly comment being shared
NIGHT IS YOUNG
Such a brilliant description of one's feeling of restlessness when one goes to sleep at night. Loved the way you have crafted the poem. It is such a delight to read it. Thanks a ton for sharing.10+++
the night is young poem
lovedly
5 years 3 months ago
many liked it
didn't you
Gracy
5 years 3 months ago
I would just tweak a couple
I would just tweak a couple of words to polish it up. In the second strophe you have two "buts" that can easily be removed. There are several extra "buts", I would remove most of them. TorT. Enjoyed a lot lovedly.
lovedly
5 years 3 months ago
have done and thanks
mA'AM