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Apr 19, 2020
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Stone Cold...
She's stone cold and frozen hard
No warmth to her at all
He's lost her attention, he's failed
He is standing in the hall
He is amazed and bewildered
He cannot comprehend
How suddenly things have changed
How quickly it's come to an end
Funny how it happens, isn't it?
He's lost his position in line
Stutter just once, it's over
And you'll be left behind
Now you see that fire stoked
For the someone that is new
A blush of beginning for him
And end of the line for you
About This Poem
Last Few Words: I tried to tell him, but he wouldn't listen. I've seen her do it before.
Style/Type: Structured: Western
Review Request Direction:
What did you think of my title?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing Stage: Editing - polished draft
Comments
MrsEmarie
5 years 3 months ago
Serial Lover
We all know one (or two, or three, or we are one). Nice imagery in this. The physical emotion is present here and don't we all know the feeling of it. I particularly liked the juxtaposition of her being stone cold and frozen solid in the first stanza and in the final stanza you describe the blush of beginning...Feeling some inspiration here! Thank you for that!
-Emarie
Geezer
5 years 3 months ago
Thank you...
I had hopes that the reader would get the implication of the "Serial Lover" as you called her. I like that for a title, but if I had used it, I think that it may have ruined it for some. Glad to have helped with a bit of inspiration and hope that your write will be coming forth soon. ~ Geezer.
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c lynn brooks
5 years 2 months ago
Gee
wow now that is quick and to the point and on to the next victim
Geezer
5 years 2 months ago
That's how she is...
Thank you for your read and comments, I tried to show just how brutal it can be. ~ Geezer.
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Gracy
5 years 2 months ago
Hi Gee, harsh poem, those
Hi Gee, harsh poem, those serial lovers leave a woman stone cold, as you say. I'd only remove some the "the"s, you have so many of them in S1&2.
Enjoyed, if that's the word. Haven't had the misfortune to meet a serial lover.
Geezer
5 years 2 months ago
She is...
the serial lover, she uses them up and discards them. She is always looking for something to entertain her and she gets bored quickly. Last summer, it was going to the Hamptons and partying with the rich folk. Then it was skiing and snowmobiles, now she has dumped the latest [motorcycles] and is into hot cars. Never satisfied and always looking for new thrills.
lovedly
5 years 2 months ago
some are cold
many serialists are still BOLD
nice poem western Gee
thanks from me'
for being the only one
reading me
Gracy
5 years 2 months ago
Sorry, Gee, I'm so used to
Sorry, Gee, I'm so used to hearing about serial male lovers (and killers), that I didn't notice the difference. Well done, a different take is always interesting. Take care, there may one of those women on your horizon!
Geezer
5 years 2 months ago
Ohhhh Nooooo...
Not me! I'm done with that long ago. Thirty years of being with the same woman, has ruined me for any other. ~ Geezer.
Geezer
5 years 2 months ago
You're welcome...
I've seen most of everything, but stuff still amazes me!
~ Geezer.
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