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May 09, 2020
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The View From Here #2
You're probably sitting in a favorite
quiet corner rocking the chair and sipping
your brewed coffee or English Earl Grey
tea while reading the morning headlines.
An energetic mother's standing there
leaning on the kitchen's countertop in an endeavor
to fullfil everyone's gluttony
maybe some toasted peanut butter sandwiches
and a cocktail of seasonal fruits will do?
Meanwhile, The Artist has finished brushing
the already determined day's details
and all the accompanied festivals
of the wee hours that have already shown
and others that yet to surface up as
older are getting the fatigue day hours
I find myself, from my quiet corner thinking,
how could I not appreciate such a view
when things around have a smoothie-like flow.
About This Poem
Review Request Direction:
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft
Comments
Geezer
5 years 2 months ago
Kitchen's board?...
to fulfill a gluttonous what? Do you mean; "Fulfill their gluttony?" I don't get the connection between the Artist and the brushing of the days' details of the wee hours already shown of the older fatigue hours. ~ Geezer.
.
Rula
5 years 2 months ago
Thank you Geezer
gluttony is the word or gluttonous appetite.
The Artist is God who determined all the little details
What do you suggest for kitchen's board?
Geezer
5 years 2 months ago
I was puzzled...
over what the kitchen's board is. I see now that it is a countertop.
~ Geezer.
.
c lynn brooks
5 years 2 months ago
Rula
Much thought has gone into this poem , that is obvious . One small question though, 2nd stanza third word in the word"or" is confusing to me is this some terminolgy
"or
Rula
5 years 2 months ago
Dearest teddy
Always appreciate your feedback.
I will sure look into your suggestions and take them into consideration. As you see this is just a draft and i believe there is a always a good way to say sth and a better way to say the same thing.
Improving my poetry is alwaysmy target.
Highly appreciate it.
Rula
5 years 2 months ago
Dear chrys
many thanks for the kind comment.
Thank you for the correction too.
Lavender
5 years 2 months ago
Hello, Rula
Many days I feel as if I have blinders on, seeing and thinking about only what directly affects me. Then I learn what other people have gone through in the last 12 or so hours. There are many different views to a 24-hour day. Your final stanza is my favorite, but I confess it somehow feels both sincere and ironic to me. Really enjoyed reading this.
Thank you,
L