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lovedly
lovedly
May 12, 2020 ⭐ View statistics (Premium feature)

Niagara Falls

You all are most welcome
to sing
we both can to Niagara
happiness bring,
as we along the walk
laugh - talk and sing
more folks will join in

like the Pied piper of Hamlin
we will take all
up to the fall
then they themselves will decide
what to do
it's their life after all

sing or cut off our wings
virus no one can touch
as such...
yet there is no vaccine
oh in life
what a blasphemy scene

About This Poem

Style/Type: Free verse

Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back

Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft

About the Author

Region, Country: UNIVERSE...ETERNITY C/O ME, ROU

Favorite Poets: All across the Internet whom I read , and they inspire..

More from this author

Comments

Gracy

Gracy

5 years 2 months ago

I love the theme of your poem

I love the theme of your poem, but I find it too wordy for my liking. S1 is kind of disordered, seems to me would be better this way:

You are most welcome
to sing
we both to Niagara
happiness bring.

The forced rhyme sounds a bit off, tho' I think you want it that way. Further down, I see no need for the Caps of Pied Piper of Hamlin.

You all are most welcome
to sing
we both can to Niagara
Happiness bring,

I'll return for another read. xxx