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SPIRITS
Sometimes in the dark of a deep night
ghosts appear to bar my sleep.
They haunt without giving me fright.
Into the dark they slowly creep.
At times the ghost is a small boy
with hair of blond and a broad smile.
He haunts me with innocent joy
and only stays for a short while.
The ghost is sometimes in his prime,
thick of hair and strong of stride
who has just begun to value time,
with muscled arms and shoulders wide.
Then randomly one of teen years
dressed in uniform for football game
whose green eyes have yet shed many tears,
who still had dreams of lasting fame.
At times the spirit's a young father
with contented but squinted eyes
from always peering a bit farther
trying to avoid any of life's surprises.
But scarcer comes an ancient fellow
fuzzy edged and indistinct
creeping haltingly with teeth all yellow
direction determined by mere instinct.
All these spirits , all these ghosts
and myriad others of all ages
are me and memories I host
which fill up my tome's pages.
About This Poem
Style/Type: Structured: Western
Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft
Comments
Geezer
5 years 1 month ago
Damn!...
I just love this one! Perfect rhyme and structure and a message of a life-time of roles. What more could we ask for? ~ Gee.
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scribbler
5 years 1 month ago
Hi Gee
Glad you dropped by and enjoyed this scribble
scribbler
5 years 1 month ago
Yep
Surprise does make a more perfect rhyme but does it sound like it stretches the dialogue. BTW I never noticed you having an accent .........
Lavender
5 years 1 month ago
Spirits
Hi, Scribbler,
What a great way to look at one's journey from the past, in the present and into the future. Your pages are generously full!
Thank you!
L
scribbler
5 years 1 month ago
Hi Lavender
I am pleased you enjoyed this
Gracy
5 years 1 month ago
Hi Stan, lovely poem with
Hi Stan, lovely poem with perfect meter, as far as I can see. I think the line below could do without one word:
whose green eyes have (yet) shed many tears,
I think it's better this way, not so sure about the meter.
The rest is wonderful, I also have dreams of people in my past and/or present. Sometimes they're "personified", meaning that they seem to be real bodies, not spirits. And when walking outside, I often see profiles or the shape of a head that reminds me of somebody gone from my life. I have a poem about that, but not with your perfect meter, mine is FV.
Enjoyed thoroughly, the title is fine and the theme is very well crafted. Enjoyed!
All the best, Gracy
scribbler
5 years 1 month ago
ME
write something with near perfect meter,,,,there Must be some mistake lol. That line you posted out has bothered me ever since I wrote it. The intention I wanted to put across was that he had not yet shed many tears but I just can't seem to get it right. But I edit a Lot and maybe leaving this one alone for a while then looking at it with fresh eyes will show me the solution. This often works for me. Thanks for dropping by
scribbler
5 years 1 month ago
all
input helps. But for now I'm going to leave it alone a week or two. It may be that your suggestion will inspire a better line