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I Miss You
I miss her more than old men do youth.
I need her more than falling raindrops quench roots.
Emptiness left, that covers canyons.
A hole so deep, endless worlds couldn’t fill.
Only fools say time heals all wounds,
I’m wiser still; not adhering to these ranting buffoons.
I miss her more than a widow does joy.
I need her more than plants do light.
Wading through oil, weighed by despair.
Haunted by her laughter, my soul due for a repair.
Pondering such thoughts, like blistered skin from hellish heat.
Welcomed as much, as soundless tunes from stingless harps.
I miss her more than a child’s lost wonder.
I need her more than a bird does flight.
Why did Heaven hide her, I’ll strike it like thunder.
Pulling it from the sky, like a windless kite.
We’ll runaway together, from the twilight of death.
Lying face down, sharing our last breath.
I miss her more than the divorced do stability.
I need her more than the rich do their greed.
Meandering down, a lonely path.
Accompanied by, only ashes and shadows.
Missing her warmth, like sunlit walks in grassy meadows.
Desiring a touch, from my departed friend.
About This Poem
Last Few Words: Have at it!
Review Request Direction:
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft
Comments
Geezer
5 years ago
Wow...
The anguish here is palpable and it could only come from a personal grief. I have no criticisms and find it to be all that one could want from a grieving partner. Would that I could be so elegant in that time when it comes. ~ Geezer.
.
Dramen85
5 years ago
Thanks Geezer. I wrote this
Thanks Geezer. I wrote this a few years after losing my mom.
Lavender
5 years ago
I Miss You
Hello,
You have taken the simplest, yet most meaningful parts of a relationship and gracefully created this poem describing the hardest and deepest parts of grief. It is tender, and also very brave.
Thank you,
L
Dramen85
5 years ago
Thanks Lavender.
Thanks Lavender.
Dramen85
5 years ago
Thank you very much Teddy.
Thank you very much Teddy.
c lynn brooks
5 years ago
outstanding
I did not find one error in this work
others said it before me in their comments
I would suggest a stronger title to go with that perfect first line
perhaps
The meaning of empty
or
the aftermath of gone
your first line did pull this reader in to want to continue reading excellent wording
Dramen85
5 years ago
Thank you Brooks, I will work
Thank you Brooks, I will work on the title.