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Jul 29, 2020
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Forbidden Love...
As Dawn sleeps yet gently
The Night refuses to yield
Holding tightly to her breast
Protecting with his shield
A breath that's caught in throat
Caressing of her brow
A breeze that dries the dew
Night must be going now
Dawn wakes all sleepy eyed
Smiles a Mona Lisa smile
She answers quite dreamily
Yet, stay a little while
Nay, the Day has come for you
I cannot tarry now
We shall meet again in shadows
You have my solemn vow
The cruelness of the universe
Brief moments to be seen
Two lovers caught in Paradise
A world half and in between
About This Poem
Last Few Words: My first attempt at an Aubade.
Style/Type: Structured: Western
Review Request Direction:
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing Stage: Editing - draft
Comments
Geezer
4 years 11 months ago
I just thought...
that [is] had a little more of an classical sound to it, but perhaps you are right. I will make the change. Thank you for your beautiful comments and the allusion to heroism and a poetic knight. Sir Gee thanks you, fair Lady. ~ Geez.
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Geezer
4 years 11 months ago
Thanks jerry...
I was inspired by yours. ~ Geez.
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raj
4 years 11 months ago
Hi Gee
I enjoyed the Aubade...
Geezer
4 years 11 months ago
Thank you raj...
Glad you enjoyed. ~ Geez.
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Breakinglogic
4 years 11 months ago
interesting! A morning poem
interesting! A morning poem dedicated to the Dawn from the Night. very fitting and romantic that it takes place in the twilight! Now I'd liket to know how Dusk would serenade the Day as it goes off to sleep.
lovely aubade!
Geezer
4 years 11 months ago
Tomorrow...
there will be a serenade from the Day dedicated to the night. ~ Gee.
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c lynn brooks
4 years 11 months ago
Gee
I have nothing more to say but outstanding it shows yet another side of you
this is just beautifully written
Geezer
4 years 11 months ago
Thank you so much...
There are sides to me, that I don't know yet. I keep finding myself here; with all the inspiration. ~ Gee.
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