Geezer

Jul 30, 2020 ⭐ View statistics (Premium feature)

Sweet Serenade...

Sweet Night, you leave me breathless
I cannot wait to see
Your shadow cross the hillside
Coming back to me

I feel your whispered promise
Blown against my lips
Your hands caress my body
I take your scent in little sips

I await your coming
Please, hurry up somehow
Turn the Earth a bit faster
Make it happen now

I long to feel the coolness
Of the dew upon the grass
I'll drink in all I can
Try to make it last

The shortness of the twilight
Between the leaves of time
We have no more than this
My heart is ever thine

About This Poem

Style/Type: Structured: Western

Review Request Direction: What did you think of my title?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?

Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back

Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft

About the Author

Region, Country: New York State - USA, USA

Favorite Poets: Poe, Emily Dickenson, Robert Frost, Shakespeare, and many of the poets here at Neopoet.

This user supports Neopoet so it can be free to all

Comments

Geezer

4 years 11 months ago

I have borrowed...

from everyone here and all the romantic lines I've ever heard anywhere. I put all of it into the blender of my mind and pureed it for the ink of my pen. Well, my computer. [It seems so quaint to say my pen, but how do you fill your computer with the life's blood of poetry]? I will despair the day that no one uses or says my pen. Thank you for the greatest pleasure that I believe that one can recieve for sharing their passions. For a bit more romance in a lighter context, you might try a couple of my favorites from a while back: "Love from The Radio" 2017-05-12 and "Racing Nights" 2016-06-22. These are not so heavy with the romanticism, but still can be considered of that nature. ~ Geez.
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raj

4 years 11 months ago

Hello Geezer

I couldn't agree with Teddy any more...great vision and impressive write to come up with a serenade like this...

enjoyed it..

Geezer

4 years 11 months ago

Thank you raj...

glad you enjoyed. ~ Geez.
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Lavender

4 years 11 months ago

Sweet Serenade

Hi, Geezer,
If I'm understanding correctly, this goes hand in hand with your recent Aubade, right? What an inspiring way to view dusk to dawn and dawn to dusk. It's the perfect romance. The anticipation of the first stanza sets the emotion for the rest of your poem. I know very little about Serenade rules and guidelines except that it is sung at night. You have actually sung it TO the night. "My heart is ever thine."
Thank you!
L

Geezer

4 years 11 months ago

The way...

I understand it, it is no different than the Aubade, excepting that it is at night. I may be wrong, I will know when jerry comments. No, thank you! You have given me more credit than is due. I owe everything to Neo. and my fellow poets. I have learned so much here in the past 12-13 years, that I never would have, could have on my own. ~ Geez.
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Breakinglogic

4 years 11 months ago

cursed to meet in brief and parting

for when the Night comes the Day must go.
Loved the last stanza!

Gracy

4 years 11 months ago

Hi Geez, what a sweet

Hi Geez, what a sweet serenade! The title is lovely and I especially like the nuances of loving night, but really it's some fair lady being serenaded. At least that's how I understand it. Day, Night, Nature, sensuality, it's all there. No nits from me, enjoyed, Gracy

Geezer

4 years 11 months ago

Thank you...

The Aubade and Serenade were meant to symbolize the love between a Lady and a member of the lower class, but couched in terms of the Day and Night, so as not to give away their relationship, yet also to emphasize the briefest of time they have together. The hour between dusk and dawn is not much to have, but sufficient enough to breed a lasting love. Thank you for your read and comments. ~ Geez.
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lovedly

4 years 11 months ago

you leave me breathless...yeah

day is lady
high heels ,
night is a horse trainer
like a darker lower one
lol

Geezer

4 years 11 months ago

Thanks...

for the read and the comment. Glad you enjoyed. ~ Geez.
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c lynn brooks

4 years 11 months ago

Gee

sorry it took so long to get to this my hand has been giving me grief
all I can say is
WOW ten times over
this is absolutely beautiful
no errors or typos perfect and beautiful

Geezer

4 years 11 months ago

Thank you M'Lady...

So glad to hear that you were entranced. You didn't realize that I was such a romantic old codger, I mean geezer, did you?
As always, you heap much praise on this unworthy head. I have merely taken the lessons of the best of the romantics here and put them to good use. [jerry is one that I most admire], but even lovedly has had a part. Of course having such ladies as yourself and the others to write for is a boon I enjoy. Thank you all. ~ Geez.
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c lynn brooks

4 years 11 months ago

Geezer

Dang skippy didn't know you had this in you just reread for the umpteenth time