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Aug 07, 2020
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once upon a time (adult content) revised
evening fades to velvet...
on a backdrop of black
he is as wildfire in the sky
she feels the heat on her back
where he forever smolders
as a timeless danger
but to her aching needs
he is no shadowed stranger.
her outcry...
sounds of exquisite pain
oh, such pleasure echoes
remembering fields where they'd lain
on sweet scented grasses
as day turned to night
sun and moon passes
About This Poem
Review Request Direction:
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Editing Stage: Editing - polished draft
Comments
Candlewitch
4 years 11 months ago
dear Teddy,
LOL! you've just made my day with your lovely comment! do you think I should replace "sweet smelling grasses" with sweet scented grasses? I value your opinion.
*hugs, Cat
Candlewitch
4 years 11 months ago
thanks Teddy,
you are really kind. I hope you know how much I appreciate that.
love ya, Cat
raj
4 years 11 months ago
Dear Cat
this is the kind of stuff you are seasoned at and you did it in a style of your own...stimulating indeed...
Candlewitch
4 years 11 months ago
:)
thanks raj, greatly appreciated is your visit!!!
*hugs, Cat