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once upon a time (adult content) revised

evening fades to velvet...

on a backdrop of black
he is as wildfire in the sky
she feels the heat on her back
where he forever smolders
as a timeless danger
but to her aching needs
he is no shadowed stranger.

her outcry...

sounds of exquisite pain
oh, such pleasure echoes
remembering fields where they'd lain
on sweet scented grasses
as day turned to night
sun and moon passes

About This Poem

Review Request Direction: What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?

Editing Stage: Editing - polished draft

About the Author

Region, Country: Northwestern Wisconsin USA, USA

Favorite Poets: Edgar Allan Poe, William Blake, Bob Dylan, Tom Petty, Carlos Castaneda, Jim Morrison, the whole of Neopoet and many more.

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Comments

Candlewitch

Candlewitch

4 years 11 months ago

dear Teddy,

LOL! you've just made my day with your lovely comment! do you think I should replace "sweet smelling grasses" with sweet scented grasses? I value your opinion.

*hugs, Cat

Candlewitch

Candlewitch

4 years 11 months ago

thanks Teddy,

you are really kind. I hope you know how much I appreciate that.

love ya, Cat

R

raj

4 years 11 months ago

Dear Cat

this is the kind of stuff you are seasoned at and you did it in a style of your own...stimulating indeed...

Candlewitch

Candlewitch

4 years 11 months ago

:)

thanks raj, greatly appreciated is your visit!!!

*hugs, Cat