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Aug 22, 2020
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Heroine
nothing is clear
everything is hidden
why am i hear
why is this forbidden
my mouth is dry
and mind is moving
my thoughts reach the sky
my feelings pass me by
the warm liquid runs up my vein
the needle releases heaven into my body
my chest feels no pain
and my being is no longer groggy
my head will fall to the pillow
my body will sink
i'm a widow
free from what others think
the nectar reaches my every pore
my eyes roll into my head
my soul is no longer sore
and i can die in bed
About This Poem
Review Request Direction:
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing Stage: Editing - polished draft
Comments
Geezer
4 years 1 month ago
Capitalization...
and punctuation! I think the one-word title is great, but... the word you are looking for is Heroin, without the [E] which makes it
a female hero! ~ Geezer.
.