Warm and Cold

I lie in wait.
I want to feel that warmth, that welcome
That everyone else gets to feel.
But instead, I am hit
with an unimaginable sorrow
And swallowed by the unwanted cold.

I need the warmth to engulf me like a flame to a
Lone piece of driftwood.
Though I am constantly hit with an undesirable
wave of icy frigidness
The warmth is on my mind

Can I crave something I have not yet received??
Why is it that the experience of others is not
The same as mine?

I'm drained.
So tired of the cold yet it feels so familiar
How should I react to the warmth should I ever receive it?

Maybe it isn't the warmth that I need...
but to embrace the cold.