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last goodbye
If I could lay down and die,
I would surely try,
preserve me in pickle, until I cry.
Think about how you want to remember me,
as you lay me to the ground,
six foot under I won't make any sound.
Then, I would surely be gone,
but will you play my favorite song?.
The words "I love you".you know the one.
Think how you will of me,
loving, caring, shy,
this my love is my last goodbye.
If I could reincarnate for you.
what would I say or do?.
The haunting of your dreams to name a few.
Please though, speak of me well.
keep my secrets, they are not to tell,
i can see what you're doing, even in hell.
About This Poem
Review Request Direction:
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Review Request Intensity: I appreciate moderate constructive criticism
Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft
Comments
coldplayfan
4 years 7 months ago
thanks
thank you again teddy. am I destined for fame yet lol
Geezer
4 years 7 months ago
I agree...
with Teddy on this one, it is the attitude of someone who says; "When I'm gone you will miss me." I kind of get the 3d line. I think that it is supposed to reference the art of embalming for the funeral? Not a great thought or way to express it, but it got the job done. Barely... ~ Geezer.
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coldplayfan
4 years 7 months ago
thanks
thank you geezer as always good constructive words.thank you
Asche Keegan
4 years 7 months ago
DANG!!!
DANG!!!
This blew me away and sent shivers up and down my spine!! I agree with the others that the third line seemed out of place with the rest, but that last line was spectacular.
coldplayfan
4 years 7 months ago
thanks
aww thank you these comments blow me away.thank you