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Asche Keegan
Asche Keegan
Dec 30, 2020 ⭐ View statistics (Premium feature)

By-line

Words create my livelihood
Marking every bad and good
Hatred, fighting, wars, and peace
Fill the news; when will it cease?

Hard love and heartbreak drive my dreams
Tearing tales apart at seams.
Ripped from the darkness of my heart
The first sentence tells the truest part.

While rhyme and rhythm guide my soul
An always constant push and pull—
I live these tales with every breath
These words sing both of life and death.

An author, poet, journalist
Just words on an eternal list.
There’s such a choice in what I write
To blind a man or give him sight.

About This Poem

Last Few Words: Hey, thanks for reading! I'd love some help with my title, if you have any good ideas. I also welcome any other critiques you have!

Style/Type: Structured: Western

Review Request Direction: What did you think of my title?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?

Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back

Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft

About the Author

Country/Region: In the Flames

Favorite Poets: Thalassa_Brytaye , Robert Frost, Rudyard Kipling

More from this author

Comments

Geezer

Geezer

4 years 5 months ago

I've tried...

to think of a description of what you do for a living. I am going to take a wild guess at you being a professional writer? Or at least, the ambition to be one. Your last stanza gives that impression. I thought that maybe you could use the title "By-line"?
Just a thought.

I would use a shorter line for the second line of the second stanza.

"Tearing tales apart at seams" gives the whole idea, and makes it smoother.

I would also use [and] instead of [or] in "An always constant push [and] pull".

How about: "I live these tales [with] every breath. [again, a smoother sound]

"To blind a man or give him sight"?

Just a couple of ideas to give it a smoother sound. Of course, it's up to you as always,
to use or keep any ideas or suggestions. ~ Geez.
.

Asche Keegan

Asche Keegan

4 years 5 months ago

Dear Geezer,

Thank you so much for the feedback and the critiques! I was really wrestling with a lot of those lines you pointed out, and I'll go edit the poem now. Thank you! :D

And yes, though I'm still building my career, currently I'm a freelance journalist working on college degrees in communication.

Geezer

Geezer

4 years 5 months ago

As always...

I'm glad if I can help. I think that journalism is one of the greatest professions. Always tell the truth, at least if some people hate you, you will have done some good. ~ Geez.
.

Asche Keegan

Asche Keegan

4 years 5 months ago

Yes!!! There's so much chaos

Yes!!! There's so much chaos and misinformation in the news today, and my last line was kind of trying to lean into that choice I could have to either spread light and knowledge, or shroud the truth.

Asche Keegan

Asche Keegan

4 years 5 months ago

Dear Teddy,

Oh, yes, that's a good point, especially since the poem can be rather confusing about my profession! OoOOh What about something like "A Wordly Profession?" XD XD Sorry, that was terrible, I just couldn't help myself!

Yes, Geezer gives great advice! Thanks!

chima ononogbu

chima ononogbu

4 years 5 months ago

Clinical a poem

I enjoyed the lines and stanzas, informative as they're poetic. Thanks for the piece. And look forward for more.

Lavender

Lavender

4 years 5 months ago

By-line

Hello, Asche,
Fantastic poem! Incredible last two lines - judging by the energy of the rest of the poem, I believe you've made a clear choice.
Thank you!
L