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May 15, 2021
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Doomed
Stars strung like Christmas lights
across a midnight sky
Moon looking more like
a child's beach ball
lightening tears a jagged line
fabric torn
then thoughts bleed through
and tumble
to late
they have run amok
misbehaving children
gone wild
no self control
memories flood
doomed
About This Poem
Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft
Comments
c lynn brooks
4 years 1 month ago
Mark
Thank you kind sir
atorn
4 years 1 month ago
interesting
I love the Christmas tree lights opening line leading to the closing line "Doomed" creates a wicked journey
c lynn brooks
4 years 1 month ago
Andrew
Thank you for the visit and comment
Candlewitch
4 years 1 month ago
dear Chrys,
both Steve and & read your poem. he said that it starts out with a happy state of mind and over time spirals down in depression where it bottoms out. I agree. let us know if we are wrong. I also think that this poem needs to be fleshed out a little with more fact and detail.(to make it more clear) you are on to something, here. you have the base for a great poem!
*hugs, Steve and Cat
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c lynn brooks
4 years 1 month ago
Cat
point is the memories are doomed to stay with and haunt me. No I wouldn't agree it starts out happy and ends depressed. How would you flesh it out, I thought it was complete as a complete thought
Candlewitch
4 years 1 month ago
dear Chrys,
on rereading, I find out I am wrong about fleshing it out as it is all that it should be. the opening line makes me think happy thoughts, as Christmas/Yule, is a happy time in our household. the poem is great as it is, but tell me, should I worry?
love ya, Cat
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atorn
4 years 1 month ago
From the opening line to the last
The promise of the opening line that spirals into doom as the work progresses is pure genius I love how the lines draw you in with pretty images and by the end the other shoe drops along with my jaw and I am hooked
c lynn brooks
4 years 1 month ago
Adrew
Thank you once again. One poem did all that