Join the Neopoet online poetry workshop and community to improve as a writer, meet fellow poets, and showcase your work. Sign up, submit your poetry, and get started.
BEAUTIFUL STORM
At the ripe old age of sixteen years
I thought I knew it all.
My plans were made I had no fears
as summer slowly turned to fall.
Then one sunny afternoon
I spied a little cloud
which turned into a tempest soon.
It was disorderly and loud.
I figured it would pass away
like summer squalls so often do
but that day became another day
each blustery one brought something new.
Until I realized that storm was sent my way
to disrupt my perfect plans
and since then I've loved the fray.
I love the storm and she's with me to this day
About This Poem
Last Few Words: really, really rough
Style/Type: Structured: Western
Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft
Comments
Geezer
4 years ago
Not so very bad...
Here's my take:
third stanza L2 :"like summer squalls [are wont to do]
third stanza L4 :"each [stormy] one something new
Last stanza "At last I realized the storm sent my way
was to disrupt my perfect plans
and since then, I've loved the fray
I love the storm and the tempest, It's with me to the end
~ Geez.
.
scribbler
4 years ago
Hi Geeze
Wont? Ok, I'll check that out as well as other suggestions. Did you get the secondary theme of who the storm is?
Geezer
4 years ago
I think so...
Your wife?
scribbler
4 years ago
yep
she keeps boredom at bay
Triskelion
4 years ago
Hi scribbler
S4L3, I would change "then" to "that day". I think the meter works better.
Thomas
scribbler
4 years ago
Hello
I'll give that a try upon edit. Thanks for your input and visit
Obadiah Grey
4 years ago
Ahhhh, a windy woman,
Ahhhh, a windy woman, disorderly and loud,
we wouldn't want them any-other way. *ahem*
I liked your poem, as is,,,, but for,, "usually do" .
Obi.
scribbler
4 years ago
Ho Obi
Thank you for dropping by with useful input