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OH
Owl Has My Soul
Sep 06, 2021 ⭐ View statistics (Premium feature)

Dancing With Rabbits

A wriggled nose invitation
To dance into myself.
A shout of joyous salvation

Dappled skin;
What a grin!

With a slant and a sway
The happy whiskers
Carry me away.

About This Poem

Review Request Direction: What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
Is the internal logic consistent?

Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back

Editing Stage: Editing - draft

About the Author

Region, Country: Canada, BC

More from this author

Comments

Geezer

Geezer

3 years 10 months ago

I'm thinking...

that this is about a freckle-faced guy, maybe a boy-friend? [the whiskers]. Not sure about the logic, as it really is kind of ambiguous and doesn't tell much. I like the rhyme and it is nicely done as far as the pace and pattern go. ~ Geez.
.

O

Owl Has My Soul

3 years 10 months ago

Thank you Geez!

The poem is about intersecting with a totemic archetype of release / joy / freedom. The "invitation" offers transformation. I am trying to capture the ecstasy of the moment

I think you are correct about the internal logic. I think it needs a stanza between 2 and 3 to focus intent

C

c lynn brooks

3 years 10 months ago

Jaime

you little poem has just brought a smile to my face, it is quite delightful