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Oct 11, 2021
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She's (bits of) an animal.
She is that canary bird who sings
the sweetest song that‘s to be heard,
She is in the ever maddening sound
of everything that’s earthly bound
She is the eagle see her soar
lion in the jungle - hear her roar,
all of these things she is and more
she's even the tigers -- front left paw,
She lives in so many differing things
azure blue on butterfly wings
even the monkey as he swings
she's the pleasure -she's the pain
that love brings,
when you look at her --
what do you see.
Obi.
About This Poem
Last Few Words: Not wishing to enter the competition with this, I find it naive and cloyingly sweet, and quite frankly I'm not sure why I posted it. Obi.
Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft
Comments
Geezer
3 years 9 months ago
My guess is...
that every once in a while that you just have to post something to make yourself disgusted!
Either that or you [shudder] are just an old softie at heart? The competition is over anyway, so no worries about having people ask you to post it and you can bury it quickly; as you would some dead carcass, so that it doesn't stink up your reputation.
I would leave off the last two lines. Sickly sweet, but really good! ~ Geez.
.
Obadiah Grey
3 years 9 months ago
"The competition is over',,,
"The competition is over',,, missed it again, story o' my life! (thank god)
Owl Has My Soul
3 years 9 months ago
Haha -- this is closer to something I would write
but maybe better... As I was reading this I had to check again that it came from you, Obi. Anyways I really enjoyed this one.
Ohms
Obadiah Grey
3 years 9 months ago
I'm actually a pre pubescent
I'm actually a pre pubescent school boy whose uncle obi is doing reeaally reeaally manly things so I wrote this for him.
Little jimmy.
Obadiah Grey
3 years 5 months ago
………..///\\\Are you the air
………..///\\\Are you the air
……….///_\\\\the breeze
………||.^|=\\\ that answers
………))\_-_/ ((\ the questioning sun
………)’_/.”.\_'\)
……/./._.\…/…\ Are you the
….././(_.\x/._).|the flame
……\.\.)”.|.”(/./ begot of the spark
…….\.’…’.. //./
……/………/./ Are you the earth
……|….__.\.\ where mankind
……|…/.\…\/ rests redundant bones
……|..|…\.. \
……|..|…..\..\You are the
……|..|……\..\ water that
……|..|…….\..\ quench
……|..|……..\..\ lifes
……|..|………\..\ great
…../__\……….|__\unknowns.
scribbler
3 years 5 months ago
Well
I don't think it's that bad............