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Oct 19, 2021
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The secrets of the sea
Drained of life and drowning in a sea
help I scream, but no one can hear me.
Ideas and thoughts run on my mind
But motivation is the thing I can't find.
Help I scream, but I am not seen.
I kick, I paddle, I swim
But the secrets of the sea draw me in.
I scream for help, but no one can hear
The waves crash over me and I drown in fear.
My eyes open as I look at the light
The saltiness of the ocean burns my sight.
Oh beautiful sea, you have so much to give
but as your secrets unfold, I'm not sure you'll let me live.
I beg of you, don't send another wave
After the next one, I don't think I can be brave.
Help I yell, as my voice distances out
I don't know how longer I can shout.
I was never warned of your dark secrets
I am now drowning in a sea, feeling needless.
About This Poem
Review Request Direction:
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Review Request Intensity: I appreciate moderate constructive criticism
Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft
Comments
Edward nigma
3 years 12 months ago
Well it captures the essence of loneliness
It’s tone is sad or has a sense of desperation
and it makes you feel isolated alone