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A DIFFERENT KIND OF YOLK
When I was a kid I remember feeling different then my folks,
You could say my egg had a different kind of yolk.
I was angry, rude, hyper and high-strung,
I spoke how I felt never held my tongue.
I was constantly getting into fights,
My mom would ground me she tried to set me right.
I always felt like there was something wrong with me,
I was loud, causing trouble never low key.
As I grew older the problem got bigger,
Cocked and loaded finger on the trigger.
Puberty arrived and she stuck her head out,
Six-grade camp a girl I was crazy about.
We had to be cautious big trouble if caught,
We would sneak away to our hiding spot.
I thought my heart would explode in my chest,
From that first kiss I knew I was possessed.
We got caught making out our parents blew a fuse,
They told us it's not normal and there is no excuse.
We paid no attention it was puppy love,
She was the only thing I could think of.
I remember feeling different then my folks,
You could say my egg had a different kind of yolk…
TURBO1904
About This Poem
Style/Type: Free verse
Review Request Direction:
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft
Comments
Geezer
3 years 7 months ago
Hmmmm...
I think children are more perceptive, than many people think.
Thoughts not yet brought to the fore of the mind, are beginning to take shape.
Why do I not feel the same way about sex, as my friends? Why, is something that feels
so right, supposed to be wrong?
Anyway, I applaud your honesty and you tell a great story!
I hope to see more of your work soon, ~ Geezer.
.
Obadiah Grey
3 years 7 months ago
I would have liked you when
I would have liked you when you were young,
I reeaally like you now you're,,,,,,,,,,,older, and found yourself.
It's a good piece! perhaps a tad reliant on rhyme, I say that because I see potential.
Hope you carry on !
Obi.
Ray Whitaker
3 years 7 months ago
Welcome to the website!
I’ll look forward to reading more of your work.
I won’t recommend any content of your poem, seems well done to me. I will suggest more use of commas perhaps…
Like: “ Cocked and loaded finger on the trigger.” A comma in between loaded and finger would add emphasis.