Searching

I am searching
For a place to be heard.
I am searching-
For a voice I’m losing.
It’s slipping through my fingers
(Like water through the rocks)
Before I’ve ever really done anything.
I am drowning inside my heart
(This heart that is lifeless
It has found no way to work right)
Because of nothing real.
The days I dream away-
Living in other realities to run, run.
I am only living half myself
(Half a shard of nothing,
What is that worth?)
Not really being in color at all.
Is my reality even real-
When the days and nights
Struggle to exist separately?
(My life is a watercolor of splashing colors
That turn to dull and dead brown)
What am I, when I am only young?
(Young enough to be careless
Not too young to be naive)
Only so brave as a dead hope.
I am searching
And I doubt I will ever stop searching.