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Marking Time part #2 1/2 the ghost

Marking Time part #2 1/2 the ghost

the house had a wicked cold spot
in the kitchen, in front of the stairs down,
from around it came whisperings soft
the cold spot so thick you could drown.

every night phantom foot steps climbed
the creaky front porch stair opening the door
heard from above, the three of them reacted
on this ghost proclaiming the art of war.

next night hearing the footsteps,
the three in bed clothes hastily went
down to the kitchen armed with hammer,
wrench, and fishing net which was bent.

slowly, single file, creeping down basement stairs
first peering down after flipping on the light.
looking extremely silly the trio did not know,
they were scared senseless and feeding
on the creepiness of the house and each others fright

never did they discover who, or what had gone before
just a set of footprints, and mouse droppings in the dust
and a small "velvet painting" (leaning against a chair)
of a beautiful face, and her fiery hair of flowing rust.

About This Poem

Review Request Direction: What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?

Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back

Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft

About the Author

Region, Country: Northwestern Wisconsin USA, USA

Favorite Poets: Edgar Allan Poe, William Blake, Bob Dylan, Tom Petty, Carlos Castaneda, Jim Morrison, the whole of Neopoet and many more.

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Comments

Geezer

Geezer

3 years 3 months ago

I can see this...

being 2 1/2, because you don't seem like you are finished with these girls yet. I think you should feature them in a long-story poem. You know, like 'Killer' style. I like this and want to hear more! Who is the girl with the fiery red hair? Your rhyme and near rhyme are well done. ~ Geez.
.

Candlewitch

Candlewitch

3 years 3 months ago

dear Geez,

we never found anything on the redhead. Charlie took the painting to his mother's house. the hauntings stopped at Jerry's house, but strange things started happening for Charlie's mom. like lights going on and off. and things such as pencils, combs and keys gone missing. I think we should have left the painting alone. that redhead lives on in eddy styx's mind and poetry. she had a profound impact on him ;)

*hugs, Cat

One

One

3 years 3 months ago

Sis,

I can see your ability to create an atmosphere in an eerie environment is your strength.

I was able to walk with the trio down those stairs, scared & petrified.

Your unique style can take this poem in any direction.

Awesome,

regards

One

Candlewitch

Candlewitch

3 years 3 months ago

dear One,

thank you for reading and being so supportive.

*hugs, Sis

Ray Whitaker

Ray Whitaker

3 years 3 months ago

Great!

the three pieces, taken together [which is how I thought of them] here are uniquely different. there is a turn [the last piece -this one #2.5] that takes the reader away from the interpersonal of the first two parts. And then shows such a humanity,. fear, noises in the night making a chipmunk into a bear.

Candlewitch

Candlewitch

3 years 3 months ago

dear Ray,

you are very perceptive... I love that in a reader! thank you.

*hugs, Cat

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