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Mar 23, 2022
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Saving Lies...
Bigger than you wanted
The lies you told take life
You ever will be haunted
Threatened by their knife
Slashed by the keen edge of fact
Your ego takes hurtful blows
Everyone knows it's an act
Yes, everyone surely knows
I can forgive a simple mistake
Tell me the truth and I shall cry
But lies, I just can't ever take
Don't let our romance die
Tell me how much you love me
Why do you always lie and lie?
The truth will set you free
Honesty just won't die
About This Poem
Style/Type: Structured: Western
Review Request Direction:
What did you think of my title?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing Stage: Editing - draft
Comments
Geezer
3 years 3 months ago
Thanks Mark...
I was intrigued by a lie told for no reason, and felt compelled to call it out, rather than just let it slide. I can understand a lie for a reason, [not condone it] but for no reason at all? [At least none that I can discern]. Thanks for the read and comment. ~ Geez.
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One
3 years 3 months ago
Gee
Enjoyed the theme, the simple rhyming scheme & delivery.
Wanted /haunted was the only rhyme I tripped up on but exact rhymes aren't important but you did exact rhymes throughout so I guess that one rhyme just stuck out.
Problem is I don't have a better rhyme unless you re-write the line. Possibly something along the lines of:
"your own truth left unsaid" That's not perfect but it helps show you where I was trying to go with that line.
All, said, I enjoyed the piece,
regards
One
Geezer
3 years 3 months ago
I suppose...
that with a British accent, it may not read as close as mine, but it certainly should sound so similar, as to be unnoticed.
[saying it aloud, I cannot hear the difference]. Thanks for the read and suggestion. ~ Geez.
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Candlewitch
3 years 3 months ago
hey Geez,
seems like she was a bad girl...I bet Killer could straighten her out! nice work.
ever, eddy
*hugs, Cat
p.s.
I like the title
pacing is good
Geezer
3 years 3 months ago
Yes...
I think that she has been a very bad girl! I think that Killer may make her a present of some kind, maybe something along the lines of a Mafia-style [head in the bed]. Kind of messy, but satisfying. Thanks for the read and the comments. ~ Geez.
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Candlewitch
3 years 3 months ago
always a pleasure!
keep 'em coming!
ever, eddy