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Legacy
Legacy
you died,
having found
a false peace.
did winged angels
of silky down,
spirit you away
to softer lands
of brighter suns
where children play
and beech trees sway?
in your life of pain
you spread it around
to innocent places
it should not
have marred and sullied,
tiny blameless souls
whom you battered,
lashing out you bullied
your touch was a sting
reflecting and causing
lasting sorrow,
insidious scars
of poisoned lesions
wounds to color
a distant morrow.
yet when you lay dying
on crisp white sheets,
your grasp so cold
begging eyes did meet,
that of the lamb
of your loins.
you did slaughter
your third,
and youngest
unwanted daughter.
you in final breath,
did ask forgiveness
to be blessed.
she looked down at you
and in spirit
of generosity,
she lied as she thought
the obvious solution
was one of false absolution,
and so she lied giving peace
and a pitying touch.
About This Poem
Last Few Words: I have finally forgiven myself for the biggest lie I ever told.
Review Request Direction:
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing Stage: Editing - draft
Comments
Geezer
3 years 3 months ago
I remember...
our conversation on that point, and I am glad that you have done as you said you one day would. I see nothing that I would change. Excellent! ~ Hugs from the boys, ~ Geez.
.
Candlewitch
3 years 3 months ago
thank you Geezer,
I really stewed over this one. it took me awhile to get it right. if I say I am going to do something, you can bet on me to do it. (a lesson taught to me by my Dad) I'm very glad that you like it. I highly value your opinion. you are a good man.
*hugs, Cat
Geezer
3 years 3 months ago
Many thanks...
for your obvious delusions. LoL I appreciate your regards. ~ Geez.
.
Candlewitch
3 years 3 months ago
and you are...
constant (who did that long ago song (I Am Constant?)
*hugs, Cat
ever, eddy
Geezer
3 years 3 months ago
I don't have a clue...
Sounds like a Hymn. ~ Geez.
.
Candlewitch
3 years 3 months ago
fromthe 70's or 80's
It started out ("I am constant as the morning star") I'll go look it up/
*hugs, Cat
Candlewitch
3 years 3 months ago
it was done by:
The Climax Blues Band
I loved the tenor sax!
Geezer
3 years 3 months ago
I'll have to...
look it up, myself! Probably have heard it, just don't recognize it. ~ Geez.
.
Seren
2 years 5 months ago
Dearest Sis
I think i know what this is about, and I sit here sobbing like a small child.
A heart-breaking masterpiece
Sigh, Brava
love you always Lil Sis xox
Candlewitch
2 years 5 months ago
dearest Jayne,
it took me quite a few tears to get here, too. now...I need to get to that place where I can forgive Her! maybe writing out the story of my life will help me do that. i am on page #25 thank you for your encouragement.
*Love & Hugs, Sis