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Edward nigma
Edward nigma
Apr 16, 2022 ⭐ View statistics (Premium feature)

The person with passion

Our eyes had
pranced upon the presence of a man
who gurgles up guilt
and spews out pain .
All the while his face
inflamed with passion.
Remains still painted
with those
immense primrose
patterns of fashion.

About This Poem

Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft

About the Author

Region, Country: Virginia, USA

Favorite Poets: Edgar Allan Poe homer Dante Alighieri Oscar Wilde , William Wordsworth

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Comments

Ray Whitaker

Ray Whitaker

3 years 2 months ago

A longer line verse from you!

YAY! I think you're writing works better that way.

suggestions....
L2, use "chanced" instead of "pranced"
L6-7 drop the period, combine the lines somehow giving continuity with what is inflamed, or fashionable.

Candlewitch

Candlewitch

3 years 2 months ago

dear Edward,

and spews out pain .
All the while his face
inflamed with (fashion) .use passion here
Remains still painted
with those
immense primrose
patterns of (passion)use fashions here
it makes more sense.

*hugs, Cat