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Apr 26, 2022
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NIGHT GEOMETRY
Every drop of a broken faucet
make noise in my head,
the shadows shift on the skin,
on your face - night geometry.
Are you crying?
You are laughing?
Do you hate me?
I hate myself more,
and I'm only happy when I close my eyes,
then I don’t count the looks
you share with others.
About This Poem
Review Request Direction:
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
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How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft
Comments
Geezer
3 years 2 months ago
First...
let me welcome you to Neo. Second, I like the way that you combined all the nuances in one brief poem. Lying awake at night
the dripping faucet and the sound make[s] noise in your head. I know those sounds that keep you awake at night. Wondering; "Why I am not enough?" little do you know that it is not that you are not enough, it is that no one is enough! She loves the looks, craves them and needs constant reassurance that she is all, like the wicked queen that asks the mirror, "Who's the fairest of them all?" Other than the missing [ess] on make. I found your poem well done. ~ Geezer.
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Dejan Jung
3 years 2 months ago
Тhank you. I'm glad you like
Тhank you. I'm glad you like it
Candlewitch
3 years 2 months ago
hello, nice to meet you!
Woof...very powerful stuff!!
I agree with what Geezer said.
*hugs, Cat
p.s.
welcome!
Dejan Jung
3 years 2 months ago
Nice to meet you too. Thank
Nice to meet you too. Thank you
Ray Whitaker
3 years 2 months ago
Welcome!
I am looking forward to reading more of you.
i liked this piece, short and succinct.
Dejan Jung
3 years 2 months ago
Thanks so much
Soon I will share something new :)