Join the Neopoet online poetry workshop and community to improve as a writer, meet fellow poets, and showcase your work. Sign up, submit your poetry, and get started.
Apr 30, 2022
⭐ View statistics (Premium feature)
Bread of Pain
Earth serves me meals
Full of fleshy bones,
Morning, noon and night
As my hope dashes out
Into the sky
Do you not hear echoes
Of my gnashing teeth
O children of earth?
This space serves me
Pain and woes on the
Ceramic plate of emptiness
And with a cup of liquid pain
I eat but bread of pain
Soaked in a tea-cup of
Absent sugar...
Earth serves me
But with vinegar of
Pain and bitterness...
About This Poem
Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft
Comments
Candlewitch
3 years 6 months ago
hello Wellington,
it is very nice to meet you. I;m not exactly sure what the deeper meaning of your poem is...I know that sorrow permeates this piece. it is a haunting poem and I really liked it. my favorite lines are:
I eat but bread of pain
Soaked in a tea-cup of
Absent sugar...
hugs, Cat
Geezer
3 years 6 months ago
I'm thinking...
that when you speak of :
"This space serves me pain and woes
on the ceramic plate of emptiness
and with a cup of liquid pain" That you are speaking of your day to day life in your country.
I know from the news each day, that your country is in constant turmoil and hunger is a reality
that you face each day, but the hunger also represents the lack of freedom and the tyranny
that has become your daily life. Tea cup of absent sugar shows the bare bones of having just enough to eat and keep
you alive, with [no sugar] no extras. I hesitate to change anything here, because it represents what you are saying without taking away from the natural way you are speaking. The only thing that one might change is "fleshy bones" I'm not quite sure what you mean. ~ Geezer.
.
Jackweb
3 years 6 months ago
This is a satiric poetry...
but coded in Metaphor! Metaphor can make your words come to life. Though it makes a complex thought easier to understand. And also its a tremendous help when you want to enhance your writing with imagery.
I concur your description in this piece. I am from Nigeria, I know and understand very well the economic hardship facing the entire country. Unemployment, Job instability, economic insecurity etc
You used a subtle approach by using the word "earth". I know it refers to our dear country. I can say vividly, this is a satiric poetry!
Earth, fleshy bones, hopes, space, ceramics plates of emptiness, gnashing of teeth, a cup of liquid pain, bread of pain, a tea-cup of
Absent sugar, are strong metaphors that gave strength to this poem.
Beautiful composition and looking forward to read more of your works.