Neopoem Of The Week May 15-22, 2022 🏆 Winner

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Myself, The Horizon, And The Sun

I:
The sun simply slid past me, threw me a wink which actually was never given, I paused and saw only the horizon, I saw its essence, evident display of affective signatures so typical to non-verbal utterances of what we dreamt of being: US, I and Her, She and I, for whichever way it was stated, it was still US.

II:
Now I know, and I'm sure of what Pain is, because there never was a good bye, well at least not verbally, but good byes were "said." But then, surprisingly, I never stood a chance to make and present my plea, no jury, no court, safe the clouds of uncertainties and blankets of woes concurrently beating me to sleep at every point in time.

Myself:
"All These I Felt And Thought To Myself When I Finally Realised That I Was The Only One Left To Myself, And Myself Only."

About This Poem

Review Request Direction: What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?

Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back

Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft

About the Author

Region, Country: Jos, Nigeria, NGA

Comments

Candlewitch

3 years 1 month ago

hello, kajiko

I feel I must apologize to you for my appraisal of your last poem. I didn't realize this was your particular style of writing. I like the title, it is imaginative and jumps off the page.

I. the assessment of your situation and your rapport with your "Her". "Us" and "She and I" being a declaration of your relationship.

II. it seams that as time moves on, so does "She" without rhyme or reason, she has gone.she has taken from you a large piece of yourself. no closure, no peace O mind. just the emptiness of "WHY"?
although alone, on your own, and though painful, you will survive.

the body of your poem flows well and held my interest. but for the strangest reason, I got the feeling that the character is an android. just a thought!

*respects, Cat