Neopoem Of The Week May 15-22, 2022

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The Day you left

The day you left,
All the colors of the rainbow became dead...
We said forever!
But Death became too clever.
I want to join you,
However death restrains my plea.
You saved me but now I'm in ruins.

The broken glasses...
I always feared will hurt me...
But as you lay in the icy cold hands of death...
My pain is my joy.
But why now?
Why did it become dark before the light?
Why did I smile before despair?
Why did happiness welcome me only to leave me in debts? I couldn't see you off.

You burn in flames for the last time beautiful as ever! Beautiful pain... Death denied me my wish...
Now I'm a walking corpse...

Roaming the earth to ease my despair!

About This Poem

Last Few Words: It centers on a day when things felt dark, loosing someone. However, we know it's not forever.

Review Request Direction: What did you think of my title?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?

Review Request Intensity: Please use care (this is a sensitive subject for me, do not critique harshly)

Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft

About the Author

Region, Country: Fct, NGA

Favorite Poets: Wole Soyinka , William Shakespeare

Comments

Candlewitch

3 years 1 month ago

hello,

your title is okay, I cannot think of a better one right now to suggest to you. but the body of the poem in great! except, I don't understand these two lines:

The broken glasses...
I always feared will hurt me...

my favorite lines are:

You burn in flames for the last time beautiful as ever! Beautiful pain... Death denied me my wish...
Now I'm a walking corpse...

Roaming the earth to ease my despair!

I feel your pain in my chest and belly. it is intense!

*hugs, Cat