The Dance (by: eddy styx)

a stunning woman,
nature's work of art.
hazel eyes that flashed,
beneath a brunette part.

dark hair in glossy fashion
nature had not skimped.
her vanity was obvious
as she preened and primped.

the mirror, her bosom friend
this room had one on every wall.
a tiny woman, delicate and petite
for her charms, most men would fall.

noticing her lovely appearance
from across the well lit room,
crossing the floor, I bowed before her,
she not feeling her coming doom.

leading her on the dance floor
having taken her tiny hand
we flowed together swaying,
she was falling for what I'd planned.

this one I would humiliate
before crushing her windpipe,
watch her spit and sputter
this feminenine ego so ripe!

About This Poem

Last Few Words: eddy styx is my Male, murderous, malignant alter ego who writes dark poetry.

Style/Type: Structured: Western

Review Request Direction: What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?

Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back

Editing Stage: Editing - draft

About the Author

Region, Country: Northwestern Wisconsin USA, USA

Favorite Poets: Edgar Allan Poe, William Blake, Bob Dylan, Tom Petty, Carlos Castaneda, Jim Morrison, the whole of Neopoet and many more.

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Comments

Geezer

3 years 1 month ago

Dance eddy, dance...

I like the way eddy has set up the whole scenario.

Instead of trying to continue with the eyes as the principal
in the line: "they did not dart" [which sounds kind of contrived].
I would maybe say: beneath a brunette part. [brunette is dark hair, right?]

How about: [for her charms, most men would fall?]

[feminine]. Good stuff eddy! ~ Geez.
.