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Superhero or a Villain?...
He left his drink, ice melting
whiskey on the rocks
Strode down the dim lit alley
out to the city blocks
Maybe it's a little nothing
just a phantom voice
but then a scream of horror
now, he had no choice
He turned the corner running
saw the victim on the ground
Three drunken men were circling
"Hey look at what we found"
"A dirty little whore, she is
Come and get some free"
He said; "No, and you ain't either
Who says? I guess that's me"
Three blades came out and swiped the air
He grinned and pulled his knife
Said; "You've made a big mistake
and it's gonna change your life"
They muttered threats of mayhem
tried to stab and slice
Killer danced and ducked them all
his eyes as cold as ice
He ignored the threats, and antics
their crude and stupid calls
He closed with them one by one
and he removed their balls!
Now they lay dead and dying,
on the dirty street
Wondering who was that hero?
As they lay at Killer's feet
About This Poem
Style/Type: Structured: Western
Review Request Direction:
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing Stage: Editing - draft
Comments
Candlewitch
3 years ago
dear Geezer,
this is on hell of a write!! but to business first, these lines should have parentheses:
He said; "No, and you ain't either
Who says? I guess that's me"
Said; "you've made a big mistake
and it's gonna change your life"
my favorite lines:
Now they lay dead and dying,
on the dirty street
Wondering who was that hero?
As they lay at Killer's feet
you've got a bit of both worlds here, LOL! good luck!
*hugs, Cat
Geezer
3 years ago
Thank you...
for catching the thing about parentheses. I changed it so that I would only have spoken content by Killer, and then forgot to add them! Nice catch! Yeah, I figured that Killer kind of fills the bill on both ends. What do they call it? An anti-hero? Anyway, glad that you enjoyed. ~ Geez.
.
Candlewitch
3 years ago
dear Geezer,
please forgive me for dragging this posting back to the top of the stream? I just think it is so good as to have more reads and chance for comment! I love it!!!
*hugs, Cat
RoseBlack
3 years ago
This was fantastic
He cut off their balls!!! My favorite part. How I love Killer and look forward to seeing whose life he ends next.
Geezer
3 years ago
Yep...
he did! He wanted to make sure that that if they survived, they didn't do it again! ~ Geez.
.
Candlewitch
3 years ago
maybe...
cut off the balls and make them into a stash pouch! LOL
ever, eddy
*
RoseBlack
3 years ago
Love this idea
Gruesome but love the concept