The Arc of Joy (*warning explicit language)

Once upon a dream of mine
When hopeful was an easy game
Life was difficult of course
Rolled off my shoulders just the same

I’d claim dominion of my days
Each step I took with added spring
When I fucked up and shit went wrong
What else was there to do but sing

Obliged, the world starts leaking in
Finds ingress through tiny cracks
With help of bitterness so cold
Quick, expanding frost attacks

You hardly feel it chip away
Safe within the spring of life
But always known the dark unseen
Time would hammer you with strife

Until one day you hit the ground
Regret and acid in your veins
It becomes a thing you are
The toxic habits you maintain

I lived that way for far too long
The footings weakened under bridge
Phantom chisel, winter ice
Worked behind a false visage

One fateful day it all came down
Like iron in distress I cried
I’m sure it lasted several years
While searching for the reasons why

I only found them in myself
My fear of losing that control
Ghosts of things I never had
Guilt from things I never stole

My crimes I carried in a bag
They weighed a lot and kept me low
Kept me ever searching for
Things apparitions never know

Time requires all things fade
Wiped clean beneath the moon and tides
It starts to show the little hints
The truths you let get lost inside

Slowly then the joy returns
And once again you greet the days
Still have lots of stress and toil
But coping in more healthy ways

I’m good if that’s the best it gets
The world’s not perfect as could be
Tons of things I cannot change
And zero of those things are me