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Jun 30, 2022
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Inspiritual
Saturate this sacred ground.
Tears fall here, all around.
Ask yourself, you don’t know why.
It’s always painful, not to cry.
And the reasons, I can’t explain.
It’s in the seasons and their change.
I hope someday you’ll come down.
But even then, I won’t be around.
Don’t expect your own cataclysm.
Dress them up like they listen.
I don’t want what you’ve got anymore.
I don’t need what you want.
So, shine with my resolution,
and grow with this resonation.
Don’t run from the answer you’ve been searching for.
About This Poem
Style/Type: Free verse
Review Request Direction:
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Review Request Intensity: I appreciate moderate constructive criticism
Editing Stage: Not actively editing
Comments
Rosewood Apothecary
3 years ago
Oooooh
This is so pretty. “And the reasons, I can’t explain.
It’s in the seasons and their change.” That is really just an amazing line about a timeless theme. Another very good poem.
Keep it up,
Tim
Jordyn Alyssa
3 years ago
Thank you :)
Thank you :)
Candlewitch
3 years ago
dear Jordyn.
I agree with Tim about that line, it is sublime! your title is good. the language usage is great. but the rhyming is a bit erratic which affects the timing. I also like these lines very much:
Saturate this sacred ground.
Tears fall here, all around.
*always, Cat
Rosewood Apothecary
3 years ago
Resist
I’m resisting the urge to suggest tightening it up. Sublime is the perfect word to describe her writing. I’m drawn to the underlying symbolism and purpose. I just naturally gravitate toward that type of art and writing. Bob Dylan is kind of a master at it, I know we’ve talked about him a little. I like having to search underneath for the hidden meanings, even if they’re a projection of my experience and not the author’s. Jordyn consistently gives me that undercurrent. When I look deeper and reach deeper. The temperature and current change. When that happens it becomes less about the words or the timing or rhyme for me and more about being nostalgic for something I’m not even sure ever existed. Sublimity. It’s dripping off every line!
This is a great poem
Tim
Geezer
3 years ago
I'm going to...
have to bow out of this one on pattern and rhythm, as I am primarily a rhymer and I can't help wanting to make adjustments to the ending. That said; I can appreciate the idea anf the theme that seems to be written with a good deal of finesse. ~ Geezer.
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