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JW
Jack W. Stanley
Jul 08, 2022 ⭐ View statistics (Premium feature)

The Power of Love

I loved the way I lived my life,
All by myself, without a wife.
I'd pick my nose if I liked it,
Tell the world to go and suck it.

But I met you, bright and shiny,
Made me get up, get off my hiney.
I was in love with just one sight,
and now I love with all my might.

Of attachment I'm still frightened,
even though my day has brightened,
What's the worst thing that can happen?
You're the one for me, I reckon.

That is why these words I write
hoping your love they ignite.
I plead you not to take me lightly
My love for you feels almost knightly.

About This Poem

Last Few Words: I am not entirely happy with the title, so suggestions are welcome.

Style/Type: Structured: Western

Review Request Direction: What did you think of my title?

Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back

Editing Stage: Editing - polished draft

About the Author

Region, Country: Europe, Serbia

Favorite Poets: Emily Dickinson, Edgar Allan Poe, Miroslav Antic, Vasko Popa, Milos Crnjanski, Djordje Balasevic

More from this author

Comments

Candlewitch

Candlewitch

3 years ago

hello,

about your title; maybe one of the lines from the poem might do? I enjoyed this poem these are my favorite lines:

I was in love with just one sight,
now I love with all my might.

always, Cat

Rosewood Apothecary

Rosewood Apothecary

3 years ago

The plot does thicken

Ok so let’s work on the title and I’ll suggest some structural changes. I’m a builder (I hand draw plans), you’re an architect, let’s remodel a bit??

I loved the way I lived my life,
All by myself, without a wife.
I’d pick my nose if I liked it
And tell the world to go suck it.

Now I met you, bright and shiny.
Got me up right off my hiney.
Plunging deep with just one sight,
I love you now with all my might.

Of attachment I'm still frightened,
even though my day has brightened.
What’s the worst thing that can happen?
You're the one for me, I reckon.

Placing trust in words I write
with hope it's your love they ignite.
I plea you to take me serious.
For your love, I’m delirious.

Wooo. That deliriously is a cumbersome thing for the reader. The seriously is 4 syllables and the deliriously is 5 syllables and I played with it for a bit and it was really tough. If you force the accent on a syllable that isn’t how they’re spoken. If you arrange it this way it’s very structured with every line having 8 syllables (I think). And…your title: Delirious.

Great little poem,
Tim

J

Jack W. Stanley

3 years ago

Hello Tim,

You are completely right, I was very unhappy with the finish. Thank you for your suggestions, I will play around with the poem and make the needed corrections.
Much appreciated.

Cheers,
Jack

Jackweb

Jackweb

3 years ago

The Two Eagle eye!

Thank you Cat and Rosewood for your excellent critique. The title is not that good. When a reader sits down to experience a poem, the title can send a cue that something nourishing, challenging or something memory is about to begin, and so, I believe that the energy and thoughts poets puts in understanding the impact is titles time well spent.

J

Jack W. Stanley

3 years ago

Hello Jackweb,

Thank you for the comment. Obviously, I was not happy with the title, but was just too lazy to think further :-)
It will be corrected.

Cheers,
Jack

Warrior Princess

Warrior Princess

3 years ago

Jack W Stanley this is a

Jack W Stanley this is a beautiful read. It shows how love can change a man's heart and perspective. Found this piece to be honest and heartfelt. The title can be renamed. I agree with Jackweb.