Blues In The Key Of Fire

Smoke filled room
On a dreary night
Drops of indigo beat down
With pending doom

On cerulean sheets
She sits and waits
Match sticks falling from her hand
Her lament rose with the heat

Turquoise flames
Dance across window panes
Shards of glass explode
Cutting deep into her veins

House of lies
Would stand no more
A pile of blue-grey ashes
All his secrets they bore

They pulled her out
Beneath a sapphire sky
Burned and broken
A horrible way to die

Her family came
But no one wept
Perhaps she was right
He was the one they kept

About This Poem

Last Few Words: Second stanza is intentionally longer

Review Request Intensity: I appreciate moderate constructive criticism

Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft

About the Author

Country/Region: United States

Favorite Poets: Edgar Allan Poe, Jim Morrison

This user supports Neopoet so it can be free to all

Comments

Rosewood Apothecary

2 years 11 months ago

Very good

The quality of your work is consistent. Not to say everything is similar but rather everything is similarly polished up. Loose enough but also structured rhyme pattern rhythm. I know you said that stanza is long purposefully. May I ask why? I offer my suggestion that it need not be. You could compound the 3rd and 4th lines into one long third line. And it would be really close to the stanza before rhythmically

Drops of indigo beat down

Matchsticks falling from her hand

Anyway, you know best and I’m just playing around.
Great poem,
Tim

RoseBlack

2 years 11 months ago

Hi Tim

I was hoping you would weigh in on those lines. I made the change and it makes more sense. Thank you for your input.i don't have a specific style of writing. I usually write free style. Glad you are seeing quality in each piece.

Candlewitch

2 years 11 months ago

dear RoseBlack,

something is not quite right here...(he was the one they kept) was it a break in the family? or was it something else? I sense that this rift/slighting was not only decisive, but painful. it is sad, but most memorable is the weaving in of the color blue. I like it very much.

*hugs, Cat

RoseBlack

2 years 11 months ago

Thanks Cat

It was a relationship gone bad and unfortunately, the other party was such a good liar and charmer, his side was often taken. Everything was a lie yet she was the one isolated and one. Glad you enjoyed the poem.