Neopoem Of The Week Contest August 7th to August 13th

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Heat

Night sweats are the worst
Wet dreams and soaked sheets
Water lost in darkness
it's so hot mosquitos dying
Flies circle around our mouths
Looking for moisture

By day the oasis was a lie
A fake desert with plastic trees
This heat evaporated the seas
Hot air, stultifying breath

Rubber roads melted by the mirage
Car tyres blow and burn
Red fire engines on fire
Sit and pray for rain, hosepipes failed
Steel warped by heat, train tracks derailed

Nervous systems feel nothing
Slowly cooking us alive
Inhuman heat a quiet killer

About This Poem

Style/Type: Free verse

Review Request Direction: What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
Is the internal logic consistent?

Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back

Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft

About the Author

Region, Country: Nottinghamshire England, GBR

Comments

Lavender

2 years 11 months ago

Heat

Hello, Sen99,
Record breaking high temperatures around the world. I feel the oppression from the actual temperature here in your poem, but also the overbearing oppression that the heat causes, especially stanza three: the seas evaporating, the hosepipes failing. (Also, possibly "flies" instead of "files" in the fifth line in your opening stanza?) Very intense poem about a serious problem. So much to think about regarding our dear climate.
Thank you,
Lavender