Heron

Your silhouette flatters
the rippled waters
as the rising sun spars
with dense clouds -
shall we see rain?
Or will the day
bring dire heat
sending us in to
the shadows?

It seems of no
consequence
to you, my friend.
Your determination
stands upright,
your black plumes,
poised in the
morning breeze.

Your day shall
carry on.
***

About This Poem

Style/Type: Free verse

Review Request Intensity: I appreciate moderate constructive criticism

Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft

About the Author

Country/Region: United States

Favorite Poets: I tend to read Ted Kooser, Jim Harrison, Billy Collins, Paul Simon, Robert Frost. I like minimalist poetry, and poems reflecting on nature and Mother Earth.

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Comments

Simon

2 years 10 months ago

A good piece

I most say this is one of the works I've seen on neopoet, really I'm impressed

Simon

2 years 10 months ago

A good piece

I most say this is one of the works I've seen on neopoet, really I'm impressed

Lavender

2 years 10 months ago

Hello, Simon,

Good to see you. I appreciate your generous comment!
Thank you!
L

RoseBlack

2 years 10 months ago

Beautiful write

Simple, gentle and descriptive. Well done.

Lavender

2 years 10 months ago

Hello, RoseBlack,

Thank you very much! The heron is one of my favorite creatures!
L

Geezer

2 years 10 months ago

write of the blue herons
that one can almost forget that there are others
I have seen many paintings of Japanese and Chinese herons
that portray the black herons, and your poem does them justice.
Something that might be of little consequence, is that you
use a separation form of in to. I wondered at that, because if I use it
I am generally prompted to go to [into]. Was it on purpose? It seems to add
a little something, as though one was standing outside and might need to go
in to the shadows, and not into them. Maybe I make too much of it?
Very nice work! Geez.
.

Lavender

2 years 10 months ago

Hi, Geezer!

Thanks so much for reading and commenting! So...I changed that "into" vs "in to" a couple times. While "in to" seemed to create a thoughtful pause and flow a bit better, I really don't think it's correct, but I left it. Somehow it made the shadows seem deeper and the heat more invasive. I think it's very cool that you noticed! I hope it isn't too obvious, though. Dunno...
Thanks, again!
L

scribbler

2 years 10 months ago

Hmmm......

Like Geeze I also caught the into-in to thing. They two actually have 2 different meanings with into meaning to enter .In to is a different thing as it means to go in in order to do something. i.e. I went in to cook supper.