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This poem is part of the contest:

My trip Down Memory Lane

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A Trip Down Memory Lane.

A trip down memory lane, okay don't expect this to be sane! I remember alot till this age. Unblindly I was always in a rage, mama wasn't there too page standing there waiting, mannequin mode steadily anticipating! In the beginning always crying mama always lying,. My tears started too feel like grime, they had no more time! Granny let me see the light I'ma lime!!. Both sour and bright, I'll put up a fight my memories are a lane that's only one way, so. Don't merge into something with a chaotic space.!

About This Poem

Style/Type: Free verse

Review Request Direction: What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?

Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back

Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft

About the Author

Country/Region: United States of America

Favorite Poets: Edgar Allen Po

More from this author

Comments

Geezer

Geezer

2 years 9 months ago

I like...

what you have here. I do wish that you would make it easier to read by putting it in verses or stanzas. [three or four lines]. ~ Geezer.
.

Lavender

Lavender

2 years 9 months ago

A Trip Down Memory Lane

Greetings, Pop Goddess!
My interpretation of this feels like rap. If not, so sorry and I agree it should have more structured form to be easier to read and interpret. But if it is rap, there is something about it that immediately has tempo and rhyme, all blended together in one long, almost breathless rhythm. I feel some angry energy and that also adds to the rhythm.
Look forward to reading more from you,
Lavender

Jackweb

Jackweb

2 years 9 months ago

Yes,

is through, Geezer and Lavender had earlier pointed out about the structure. That would have make it more easier to be interpreted.

Point of correction: No word for (Unblindly)
Should be: (Unblinded or Blindly).

Your form or structure would appear more poetic if it is in this way:

A Trip Down Memory Lane.

A trip down memory lane,
okay don't expect this to be sane!
I remember a lot till this age.
Unblinded, I was always in a rage,

mama wasn't there too page standing there waiting,
mannequin mode steadily anticipating!
In the beginning always crying mama always lying,
My tears started too feel like grime,
they had no more time!

Granny let me see the light I'ma lime!!
Both sour and bright,
I'll put up a fight my memories are a lane that's only one way, so.
Don't merge into something with a chaotic space.!
.