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Mar 28, 2011
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Breakfast in Spring
Sunburst glows, fades
returns in tomorrow’s venue
Daffodil bursts, grows and shows
lushness amid Lenten’s darkness
Satin whiteness among leaves of green
feed my craving
as this morning’s hard boiled blossom
radiates, framed against
the spitting blackness of today’s breakfast
searing on caste iron skillet.
About This Poem
Review Request Direction:
What did you think of my title?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Review Request Intensity: I appreciate moderate constructive criticism
Editing Stage: Editing - draft
Comments
weirdelf
14 years 3 months ago
I'm not sure why but I really like this
some delightfully startling contrasts.
The only thing that bothers me a bit is
lushness amid Lenten’s darkness
Satin whiteness among leaves of green [amid and amongst, the repetition is a bit incongruous, but I can't see a way around it]
very effective write.
vexations10
14 years 3 months ago
Thanks for you comment
I was trying to work on the metaphor. Will play with it in a few days and see how it looks then.