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Oct 09, 2022
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My Child
Oh! My child, don’t hate him
Though you may never see him
But something tells me you may yet see him.
Wait a minute,
He was handsome
If he’s still handsome;
I was young and cute when he married me
He was the foreman in a forge company
We lived together happily
Till I suddenly became blind;
He ran away when I didn’t move
I’ve not heard from him ever since
I’m sure, he’ll come back again.
About This Poem
Review Request Direction:
How was my language use?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft
Comments
Jackweb
2 years 8 months ago
He's not a wise man
He should be ashamed of himself! Marriage is a life time of a thing. We're not meant to change our minds just because things suddenly changed to bad side. He's love is not a genuine type. Just dare me! A true loving man stays with his wife no matter how bad the health issue could be.
.
Mr joghe
2 years 8 months ago
I like your comment.
I like your comment.
Marriage is for better and for worse but many marriages had become like this...
Rosewood Apothecary
2 years 8 months ago
He will come back
I find my younger self in my writing and art and music everyday. His optimism is needed. His naivety shed. You will find that youthful spirit. I’m sure of it.
Excellent poem,
Tim
Mr joghe
2 years 8 months ago
I like your comment.
I like your comment.
Lavender
2 years 8 months ago
My Child
Hello!
If this is a poem from your adult self to your childhood self, to me the opening line is the most important line in the poem. To be encouraged not to hate, to move on and work past the hate is priceless advice. And to have cautious hope and optimism is very brave. Strong poem.
Thank you,
Lavender
Mr joghe
2 years 8 months ago
Thanks for your advice... I
Thanks for your advice... I like your comment.