Lavender

Oct 30, 2022 ⭐ View statistics (Premium feature)

Unnamed

There is a cold place in the woods -
unholy,
where tangled vines choke
each other for space
on the hard, sallow dirt.
Where trees have ossified,
turned rangy,
their branches pilfering dust from the air
as their roots forage deeper
needing the vile taste
of the narcissistic underworld.

I have sensed this while out walking,
peered through the brush and pulled myself back
frightened by the knowledge of
something devoid of all that is good.

There is a place in the woods
where no child plays,
no cardinal sings,
no pod, nor leaf, nor seed
endures.
Where a chill exists, hangs, and lingers.
There is a place -
unkind and unfriendly.
I cannot chance losing my soul -
I cannot permit another thought,
nor pen another word.
And so my poem remains
Unnamed.
***

About This Poem

Last Few Words: My attempt at something eerie for Halloween. Very different for me. Dunno...

Style/Type: Free verse

Review Request Intensity: I appreciate moderate constructive criticism

Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft

About the Author

Country/Region: United States

Favorite Poets: I tend to read Ted Kooser, Jim Harrison, Billy Collins, Paul Simon, Robert Frost. I like minimalist poetry, and poems reflecting on nature and Mother Earth.

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Comments

Rula

2 years 8 months ago

Awe

dear lavender
this has absolutely a scary feeling to it especially as it comes to the last few lines.

Rich language I had to check up my dictionary for a couple of words or more which is not bad at all, you know.

These are my favorite lines
There is a place -
unkind and unfriendly.
I cannot chance loosing my soul -
I cannot permit another thought,
nor pen another word.
And so my poem remains
Unnamed.
Great job dear!

Lavender

2 years 8 months ago

Hello, Rula,

I've actually come across a few places like this while ambling or hiking throughout the years. There is an eeriness that sends chills down my spine and makes me walk away. I've never written about it before - a little hard to find the exact words. Thank you for reading and sharing your comments!
L

Geezer

2 years 8 months ago

Yes...

these places do exist. I have been to some of them and could not wait to leave.
Some of them make you shiver, even in the heat of a summer day!
I always think that some great tragedy has happened there, and the energy
left there [or lack of it], is sucking at the life it feels when you come upon it.

Somehow, the word [forage] doesn't seem to fit
I guess maybe because I think of forage as an animal trait
not some lack of emotion. I would use [push] instead.
Nothing else to add, it's a pretty creepy piece, just right
for this season. ~ Geez.
.

Lavender

2 years 8 months ago

Hi, Geezer,

This happened again this past Saturday while walking - the feeling is overwhelming. Glad you know it and can relate. It's hard to put such a place into words. I chose forage because it refers to feeding, which I sense it what the roots of the trees are doing - feeding on the foulness below. Definitely the trait of an animal, or this time, even a predator. Thank you for reading and helping with this! I hope Killer has a satisfying Halloween!
L

Geezer

2 years 8 months ago

Okay...

I get it. Oh yeah, Killer is going home for the holiday. He has unfinished business there. It's been on his mind a lot lately.
He will be back soon though. He left last night, and Anubis and Sir Gee are going with him, a little family type excursion, if you will. Do you suppose that there are "bad" trees? I imagine that there are, maybe that is what is happening?
Anyway, good poem about a creepy thing, in a creepy place. ~ Geez.
.

Lavender

2 years 8 months ago

Lol!

I'm so happy for Killer, et al!
I cannot imagine a bad tree...but I can imagine bad energy affecting trees. Sad.
L

Lavender

2 years 8 months ago

Hi, Alan,

Thanks so much for the time you've spent here. The areas you've mentioned are the exact places I had the most trouble. I lightened this poem up a lot, because it felt so intense and uncomfortable writing it. But now that's it's shared and has a bit of distance from me, I may be able to go back and deal with the, somewhat. horrifying feelings of the void and the chasm below. My initial poem contained words like: unholy, stench of hell, ungodly...and the like. Which all describe the eerie sense I get from these places. I intentionally stepped away from the poem with the final line - wanted to convey the idea to not spend another thought or write another word for fear of losing my soul. Thus the poem is unnamed, not the woods. Dunno. I will revisit this piece and rework with many of your thoughts.
Thanks, again, for your insight and time! Appreciated!
L

RoseBlack

2 years 8 months ago

A eerily great

Halloween poem! I have had my run-ins with a few of these places, while visiting an old desecrated part in the bottom level of my favorite cemetery. There were definitely some angry spirits there and the one place there I have never returned.

Lavender

2 years 8 months ago

There are some very

eerie places, indescribable. Suggestions from Alan helped make this a bit stronger.
Thank you for reading!
L

Lavender

2 years 8 months ago

And yet,

I still held back. It is just too intense and uncomfortable. Really appreciated your help.
Thank you!
L