Nascent

I know what it is to feel alone
Like the first star in the universe
Anxiously burning; solitary
Waiting in bright anticipation
Longing for yet nascent kin

About This Poem

Last Few Words: It’s when you’re committed to growth and it’s causing you to lose some connections you once thought necessary. Waiting for new friends to be born out of the ether

Style/Type: Free verse

Review Request Direction: What did you think of my title?
How does this theme appeal to you?

Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back

Editing Stage: Editing - polished draft

About the Author

Region, Country: U.S.A., USA

Favorite Poets: Emily Dickinson, Robert Frost, Walt Whitman. I’m enamored by the work of lyricists such as Robert Hunter, John Barlow, John Dyer Baizley, and Tom Marshall just to name a handful.

Comments

Lavender

2 years 8 months ago

Nascent

Hi, Tim,
How beautiful this is - both in imagery and emotion. A bit lonely, but excited, too. I can imagine this piece flowing from your fingertips, unable to wait until it was out and alive.
I wonder about the third line. I'm staggering a little there. Maybe:
Anxiously burning, solitary
Anxious, burning, solitary
or
Anxiously burning
Solitary

An alluring poem. I believe I now understand stars a bit more.
Thank you,
L

Rosewood Apothecary

2 years 8 months ago

I went with a semi colon

Meaning I could have finished the sentence but decided to continue. If you see a person with a semi colon tattoo it means they’ve either survived a suicide attempt or they were close to trying and decided against it. They could have finished the sentence but didn’t

Anyway I’m with other stars here now.
Love Supreme,
Tim

Lavender

2 years 8 months ago

Perfect revision!

In every way...
L

Geezer

2 years 8 months ago

Indeed...

I felt that way, when I first joined Neo. It was new territory for me. I am a person that makes acquaintances easily, but wary of friendship. Here, I have found a wealth of new friendships. I love the first stanza; it gave me the feeling that we had made the trip together. Great stuff! ~ Geez.
.

RoseBlack

2 years 8 months ago

Alone

You summed it up beautifully. I am learning to enjoy solitude. Great job as always!

Entend2u

2 years 8 months ago

General comment

Hi Tim
since you were kind enough to comment on my poem (This leaf falls) I had a look at your poetry. It is most pleasing. It goes without saying that you are a very good wordsmith but I much prefer the poems that do not follow a rigid prescriptive rhyming pattern (eg. Nascent, Soapbox Heroes and Children of Never.) These poems are still have structure but don't rely on rigid scaffolding. I am as "guilty" of this as the next person and have ditched stuff many times where I couldn't escape the rigidity that the structure imposed. Of course it is great to get a rhyme in now and then but not so it rules the poem at the expense of the statement. I like to see a spiral in a poem - the words spinning round a central core descending to a concluding statement (as with Nascent) - not that I achieve this every time with my own poetry.
You do ask for "the raw truth" - it's only my opinion for what its worth. All the best. I look forward to reading some more.

Rosewood Apothecary

2 years 8 months ago

Affirmations and observations

I also write prose. Short stories. Mostly I’m a songwriter and I record and release those. Lyrics is where almost all my writing practice has been for the last 20+ years. So it’s usually tight and rhyming. I’m glad you like the looser stuff. Thanks for reading!

Tim