Join the Neopoet online poetry workshop and community to improve as a writer, meet fellow poets, and showcase your work. Sign up, submit your poetry, and get started.
Mar 30, 2011
⭐ View statistics (Premium feature)
More Than Just A Dream
the graphics of the past always blur her way,
reverting to an illusion somehow part of the day.
yet i know she can make it and on the track she'll stay..
during the time the ghosts of memories find its time to play.
she was in the middle of two constant-changing worlds,
and it takes time for her to smile or at least make a forged,
wounds inside were like thorns killing with a monster's urge...
even silence is disturbing - puzzles,blanks..and words..
still she's here..free from what could be called nightmares
nights are just so as bright as the morning Earth..
don't forget to thank Him - the One who greatly cares,
He let and made you realize you still have other worth..
God helps people who help themselves,
wish you'll never stick between the shelves...
hold on your faith and follow your dreams,
and soon you'll see - it's not as impossible as it seems..
About This Poem
Review Request Direction:
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft
Comments
the_fool
13 years 6 months ago
i did not realize
that this was a rhyming piece until the last S so kudos for that.
in 2nd S i'd change forged to either forgery or it forged
last S- does God wish, N wish or the reader wish?
and last line i'd erase a few words and make it-
'you'll see- as impossible as it seems'
might need a little work, but nice piece.
nullus anxietas
the_fool