Scandalous Motordrives

The image in my mind of you
is different from my heart,
never planned to seek the likes of one
whose mind was faliing apart.

For surely even you can see
I'd never make that choice,
unless you couldn't hear me
like I didn't have a voice.

At any rate I realize
you may not share my view,
but I just cannot fathom
living with the likes of you!

Because that isn't living
the living don't give up,
I apologize for wanting
more than water in my cup.

When the motordrives get clouded
I would help for the sake of us,
but the "us" would fade to oblivion
because you're just too scandalous!

About This Poem

Style/Type: Structured: Western

Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back

Editing Stage: Editing - polished draft

About the Author

Region, Country: The High Desert, in the wild west, southern California, U.S. of A.., USA

Favorite Poets: Keates, Poe, Dickinson, and Dr. Seuss. There are a smattering of others, but why bother listing 'em all, ya know?, I also rely on a few of our poets, here....for advice, and what not. I couldn't possibly explain what a fountain of live, effective knowledge we have...right here in our midst ! To catch a glimmer of brilliance, merely visit: the Stream.

Comments

Race_9togo

14 years 3 months ago

Hi Doc,

The raw truth?

This is excellent, the pacing and rhyme are really good.

Minor things:
line 1 of stanza 3, "anyrate" should be two words, not one,
line 3 of stanza 5, " oblivian" should be "oblivion".

I especially like the fact that you have chosen not to break up the lines with additional commas. This makes the entire poem flow so smoothly that the rhymes you have are completely natural, to me.

Most very well done.

docmaverick

14 years 3 months ago

Thanx, Jim...

....I checked my hat, and comas @ the door. Am genuinely pleased you enjoyed it over all, and I have gratefully corrected my errors in typing..(I only use 3 fingered hunt and peck)...so,
Thank-you, once again,
doc.