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Bonded to win
Until the age of three
Couldn't walk
Little me asked God
Along with my twin
To grant the request
We hold so dearly
Year after year
This feet of mine
Began the first step
To a long journey
A long awaited wish
And to mummy it left me running
He can't walk like me
This beautiful handsome man of mine
My umbilical partner
Whom music is his forte
Dances his own way
Swaying left and right
Like an iroko in a whirling scene
With dad by his side
Cheering him on
Mine freestyle
We walk, we talk, we bond
We stay together in this long trip
We cry, we worry, we laugh
We win in this tortuous arena
Like celebrities baptized by Cerebral Palsy
About This Poem
Last Few Words: This is a poem I wrote about my twin brother and I, on our journey living with Cerebral Palsy. I couldn't walk until the age of three. He still can't walk because his case is severe. But he copes with music.
Review Request Direction: What did you think of my title?
Review Request Intensity: I appreciate moderate constructive criticism
Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft
Comments
Geezer
2 years 8 months ago
How beautiful...
I have had some people tell me that beautiful is a much overused word
and they would rather see something else, but to me the word is just right for many things,
this being one of them. I love this poem because you make it about something that is very special;
your relationship with your brother and your family. Your lines are spare, but full of meaning.
There is a natural rhythm that lets you flow freely from one line to the next.
The description of your brother's dance with your father by his side, cheering him on and your freestyle
gives me a visual and I had to go look up [iroko]. At first I was perplexed as to how a tree
had anything to do with the scene; then I got this vision of an Ironwood tree swaying in a windy, whirling scene,
where everything was whirling around in a dizzying picture, but your relationship with your father and brother
the central, steady part. Anyway, I loved the poem and your family. Great work! ~ Geezer.
.
Kammy O.
2 years 8 months ago
Thanks so much Mr Geezer. I
Thanks so much Mr Geezer. I actually feel the same way too! I'm glad! I feel blessed getting your detailed appreciation of my poem.
Geezer
2 years 8 months ago
You are...
very welcome, I see your potential, keep working at it; [it can be hard work at times]. ~ Geezer.
.
Kammy O.
2 years 7 months ago
I sure will keep working on
I sure will keep working on it. Thank you!
Mr joghe
2 years 8 months ago
The fact had been told...
The fact had been told...
It is really a good poem. I like the arrangements.
Kammy O.
2 years 8 months ago
Thank you so much Mr. Joghe
Thank you so much Mr. Joghe
Rosewood Apothecary
2 years 8 months ago
Gorgeous
You are very talented and caring. This is so beautiful and vulnerable but so uplifting. I feel extremely close to my sister and she is three years younger. I imagine your bond is very tight and I appreciate you sharing this extremely personal poem. It brought happy tears to my eyes.
Tim
Kammy O.
2 years 8 months ago
Aww! Send my love and best
Aww! Send my love and best wishes to your dear sister! Thanks for coming by my poem. Glad it's a happy tears ☺️
Lavender
2 years 8 months ago
Bonded To Win
Hello, Kammy,
Very strong title. You are so gifted to use such inspiring words and language to describe your life, and the lives of your brother and family. But mostly, what I appreciate in the poem is the positive energy and feelings of love.
Thank you,
Lavender
Kammy O.
2 years 8 months ago
Yes, I do love my family
Yes, I do love my family deeply. They are my world, any day any time. Yes, I like the positive energy which we all need at certain times of our lives. Thank you!
Kammy O.
2 years 7 months ago
Well done
Ifeanyichukwu …
2 years 7 months ago
That's my baby girl. Super
Super proud of you and how you tell your stories through poem. Keep it up for Dad got your back.
Kammy O.
2 years 7 months ago
Thank you Dad!
Thank you Dad!
Ifeanyichukwu …
2 years 7 months ago
That's my baby girl. Super