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Neopoem Of The Week December 4th to December 10th 2022
Forgive me, Father, for I have sinned
I can see you shaking
and I can hear you breathing
and I know what you’re doing
and I know what you’re thinking.
I can feel the anger.
You’re bursting at the seam.
You’re smoking from your ears
and I can’t escape the steam.
My skin is crawling.
I don’t know what to do.
You stand and turn to me
Oh God, what do I do?
Fight or flight,
just to survive,
I run to you,
overdrive.
God, please forgive me!
I wrap up my hands.
I strangle your neck
leaving red bands.
I know it was wrong,
but I’m finally free.
Oh, God! What have I done?
Father, forgive me.
About This Poem
Style/Type: Free verse
Review Request Direction:
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft
Comments
Depressed 1
2 years 6 months ago
Visual
This is a very visual poem that I enjoyed.
Kristen H.
2 years 6 months ago
Thank you!
I'm glad you enjoyed it!
Jackweb
2 years 6 months ago
Absolutely!
Visual indeed. While reading I was still watching it.
.
Kristen H.
2 years 6 months ago
Thank you!
Thanks very much! I hope you enjoyed it.
Jackweb
2 years 6 months ago
Absolutely!
Visual indeed. While reading I was still watching it.
.