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crypticbard
crypticbard
Nov 13, 2010 ⭐ View statistics (Premium feature)

Here we go passing by

Coal-bright heat
pulsates a primal beat,
this light burns white
in the squalid night.

The windswept fury
in a drunken flurry,
toppled kerosene lamp
leaves the table damp.

Morning slips in sly,
waking the bleary eye;
pollen grain breezes
peddles raucous sneezes.

About This Poem

Last Few Words: Feel free to whip it into shape.

Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back

Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft

About the Author

Region, Country: West Moreton, AUS

Favorite Poets: There is nothing quite as boring as a life completely devoid of shadows.

More from this author

Comments

Hooded Stranger

Hooded Stranger

14 years 8 months ago

CB

CB,

can't believe this one hasn't yet had a comment.

Very tight rhyming and tempo to this...perfectly paced, whether read fast or slow.

Again well created images and done with few words, never an easy thing.

Only criticism...is I wanted a few more verses, from a selfish point of view.

Loved the final stanza!

HS

Frederick Kesner

Frederick Kesner

14 years 8 months ago

So was I, HS

beginning to wonder if this poem had gone so wrong at some point. Thanks for commenting though. And understand that I get where you are coming from with the wanting of more verses. I try to be as succinct as I can in my writing. It is a top most challenge for me to keep poems as short as possible.... and yet many of my poems can and probably should be lengthened. Maybe one day... and hopefully when that day arrives we will be both there to share their journey as we have here. Cheers, CB/FK :-)

Hooded Stranger

Hooded Stranger

14 years 8 months ago

Happy to...

...take that journey with you.

regards,

HS