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Dec 27, 2022
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Resolutions
With the new year swift in its approach
I hold each moment especially close
Entice myself again to broach
Discussions of demons and ghosts
Oblige these haunts another year
Weightless vapors weigh you down
Keep you kited to their whims
You’ll no longer touch the ground
Pulled about, dragged to and fro
Always tension on the chains
Undo the clasp and let them go
Never to be seen again
About This Poem
Style/Type: Structured: Western
Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing Stage: Editing - polished draft
Comments
Lavender
2 years 6 months ago
Resolutions
Hi, Tim,
I like this very much. In some ways, this reminds me a bit of Dickens' "A Christmas Carol" in using the haunting chains and ghosts. The personal chains we've made for ourselves, or possibly that the world has made for us. All the pressures and misgivings. Wonderful final stanza - undo the clasp and let them go. A fresh, wise resolution. Happy New Year!
L
Candlewitch
2 years 6 months ago
dear Tim,
this line feels clunky to me:
Weightless vapors weigh you down
it is the repetition of the word (weigh), that I object to.
perhaps: (heavy vapors weigh you down)? or some other descriptor?
other wise the poem flows well and is of interest. good job!
*hugs, Cat
Rosewood Apothecary
2 years 6 months ago
I understand
Think about a ghost or apparition. They are weightless vapors but they hold weight in your metal state. It is a deliberate repetition to highlight a metaphorical paradox. 99.9% of the time I’m going to agree with you there.
Thanks for your attentive critique as always,
Tim
Candlewitch
2 years 6 months ago
>{^*;*^}<
thanks for the explanation. perhaps I shouldn't make comments early in the morning,LOL no, that won't do...I'll just be more attentive instead! thanks Tim, for bringing the light for me to open my eyes and mind a bit!
*major hugs Cat
*ever, eddy
Ifeanyichukwu …
2 years 6 months ago
That's a brilliant use of
That's a brilliant use of paradox you have here: weightless vapors weigh you down".
It's that time of the year we are made to make resolutions. Working on mine anyway.