Misty Blues

okay, well, i was taught haiku a little differently than most...lol. i went through quite a few different instructors and read enough to realize everyone has their own version of haiku that i won't be offended at all if you hate my suggestions :)

right now, your haiku read more like "small poems" to me. don't get me wrong, they are excellent small poems, just not sure if they are appropriate for the term "haiku"

this is the guideline i generally use for writing simple haiku:

Use concise, simple and clear language
Write in two sections, using a fragment and a phrase
Use sense images, in particular what you see or hear
Write in the present tense
Compare or contrast two images
Try to include a seasonal reference
Write in 17 syllables or less, preferably between 8-12
Use minimal (if any) punctuation
Capture one or two moments that the reader can reflect upon
Do not make judgments or express your opinions
Limit your use of adjectives and don't use adverbs
Do not use rhyme, simile, metaphor or personification
Do not use capital letters

-by Myron Lysenko

now that being said, i understand that haiku has taken quite a turn in the last century, so really, i don't know that much about the current trend :) just thought i'll share the guideline that was given to me years ago.... as a short poem, i adore the first one

I really enjoyed these, I think in reality they are senryu's not that it means much other than senryu's deal with human relationships and haiku mainly with nature but having said that, I look at Basho's beautiful ones and I see an underlying humanity in his nature ones so I think it's a moot point. I enjoyed these.

Plumes of smoke
rising
mingling in the misty haze

like you
me
and us

misty eyes
clear
smoked dreams
of yester years

leaving me ashen

I feel this gathering of words is better so.

1)
Smoke plumes rising up (5)
mingling in the misty haze(7)
like me, you and us.(5)

Mine for fun! :-

Smoke rises
misting the eyes
hidden sunrise

2)
Smoked dreams
misty eyes clear away past
leave me ashen

Mine:-

Dreams of smoke
passing, passing on, ashes afloat
clear waters

Just playing with your words Raj, 'scuse I
and my love to yo Ann.

the mingling of smoke a morning haze what a sublime mixture of love that slowly burns from the flame of romance.
great job, I am moved by this.
Eddie

" if love was a piece of cake, I could easily servive on its taste"

misty eyes clear
smoked dreams of yester years
leaving me ashen

(my favorite lines)

a very wistful write. I love it!

I have no suggestions, only appreciation!

always, Cat

The haiku can take different structural forms. It doesn't necessarily need to take the common 5-7-5 format. What is necessary is a strong image plced within the everyday, you know what I mean. The haiku more than any other form of poetry is a photgraph taken with words. The image is most important. There are many forms of poetry, that which affects the mind, the intellect, and that which affects the heart, the romantic seat of power. I think the haiku is very difficult to do well. I liked your poems.

John

Ur lucky that so many
Read and comment
on Ur works
Its been long since you came by

To the prosaic poets sanctuary

Someday perhaps
• Later again you may
• Shower Ur vision
• And let me not alas
• Lie in pain
• A friend of a lovely poet like u
• I wish to remain
•

I love the pictures you painted in my mind with this poem... they are very rich and vivid. ..very nicely done, Raj...a pleasure to read.

Love,

Faith