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Jan 09, 2023
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Control
My thoughts control
my feelings
My feelings control
my mind.
If I don't seem
crazy to you
I will truly be
surprised.
My heart is in my
caring place and I might
seem shy.
But make one
wrong move and you
will see my demons deep inside.
My thoughts control my feelings
wait does your's do the
same?
If they do I promise you
we all might be insane.
About This Poem
Style/Type: Free verse
Review Request Direction:
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing Stage: Editing - polished draft
Comments
Rula
2 years 6 months ago
Good free stuff
and theme. I would choose a different title, one that would draw the reader in. May be sth like "The Gear". But that is only a suggestion. Take it or leave it, your poem your call.
Rula
2 years 6 months ago
Good free stuff
and theme. I would choose a different title, one that would draw the reader in. May be sth like "The Gear". But that is only a suggestion. Take it or leave it, your poem your call.
Thank you for sharing.
Rosewood Apothecary
2 years 6 months ago
Control
Really interesting take on that. I deeply love the message here.
My thoughts control my feelings
wait do yours do the
same?
Do instead of does and yours doesn’t get the apostrophe because it’s a possessive pronoun by design.
Nice work otherwise,
Tim
Lavender
2 years 6 months ago
Control
Hello, Heather,
Your poem reminds me of the saying, "Don't believe everything you think." Our feelings definitely can be controlled by our sudden thoughts. This seems to have a loose rhyme to it, which adds to the lighthearted nature of the poem and being "out of control."
Welcome to Neopoet!
Lavender
Candlewitch
2 years 6 months ago
hello,
the last line is Killer!!!
*ever, eddy styx