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Jan 22, 2023
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Time to die
the clouds form and disappear
the sun rises but definitely sets
as the night darkens the moon glitters
yet the dawn awakens with it's light
and rainbow never stop the rainy season
for nature has it's own laws
the rain wets the land
and dryness harshen it by season
lives and greenery fill the earth
as trees and flowers and grasses
bud but loses their prime at autumn
all has time and period that's aside
for we all have lives
but death awaiting beneath
embrace the reality for nothing is forever
low swing low, home oh sweet home
fare well the dying day
sleep, rest at peace and journey beyond.
About This Poem
Last Few Words: The poem is for the dead, we all have period and time in our live, the time to born and time to die.
Review Request Direction:
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft
Comments
Simon
2 years 5 months ago
Hello Alex
Thanks for pointing out the mistake it was a rush drafting
lovedly
2 years 5 months ago
why be so negative there is a time to live
when one has to die
no one knows
except perhaps mind's eye
buds lose
bud loses
but you still represent
budding roses
see me
will ye
Simon enjoy my glee
@83
Simon
2 years 5 months ago
Hi lovely
It's a good point there and thank you for pointing it out, but this is a death poem that's why I draft it in this way.
lovedly
2 years 5 months ago
AS you wish...
it is you
u needn't listen to me
for that matter anybody
but still try to live in a glamorous world
death one can never hide
'tis absurd to say I won't die
we al are in Q
death will view
Candlewitch
2 years 5 months ago
dear Simon,
awaken(s)
rainbow stops the season of rain
(not )for nature has it's own laws
two small changes that improve the flow. a very good poem Simon, I like it very much!
* hugs, Cat
*ever, eddy I love the darker poetry. death is the flip side of life. keep writing.
Simon
2 years 5 months ago
That's okay
I love it when someone picked out my mistakes so I can work on them, thanks candlewitch
lovedly
2 years 5 months ago
one more point to share
jess said
try and avoid 'the'
as much as you can
every word in poetry counts
Pardon me for this inclusion...
We all are in a learning curve...
what else is Neo meant for
Simon
2 years 5 months ago
That's okay
We all are learners but time is a teacher
Thanks for that too